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 In
Vietnam, the engagement is a festive ceremony involving the
fiance's and fiance's families, and arranged in advance by the
parents. The engagement is considered very important,
and in some areas, even more important than the wedding.
Well
before the engagement day, each family chooses two
representatives from their side. The representatives can
be family members or friends, but are usually a married couple
who have a happy family of their own. Although there are
two representatives, the man is the one who actually does the
representation, requesting for fiancee's hand in marriage on
behalf of the fiance's family, exchanging gifts, and
controlling the flow of the ceremony.
In
addition to selecting their representatives, the families get
together to negotiate the dowry and a date and time for the
ceremony. Traditionally, the date and time are chosen
based on the fiance's and fiance's dates and hours of birth,
but in a fast-paced society, such as that of the United
States, it's usually a matter of convenience. So, almost
any good weekend will do.
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Several
days prior to engagement day the fiance's parents prepare
gifts to proffer to the fiance's family. These gifts
include betel leaves and areca nut fruits (trau cau), wine,
tea, husband-wife cake (banh phu the), sticky rice, other
foods, and jewelry. They are placed in trays and
wrapped in red plastic paper, with the belief that red will
bring good luck. In addition to the other foods, a
whole pig is roasted and placed in a large tray, to be
carried to the fiance's home by two young men. Mean
while, the fiance is getting the ring ready, and the fiancee,
preparing herself for the ceremony.
On
engagement day, the fiance's family bear the gifts to the
fiance's home and is greeted by the fiance's family. Once
everyone is inside, fiance's representative asks the other
representative for the fiancee's hand in marriage on behalf
of his party. The fiance's representative graciously
accepts the gifts and presents the fiance to her in-laws to
be united. Together, the engaged couple prays in front
of the family altar and asks their ancestor for approval.
When the prayer is finished, the fiance places the engagement
ring on his fiance's finger.
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