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 In
Vietnam, dating is considered an adolescent issue, and one so
sensitive that people rarely mention it in conversations, at
school, or even in books.
Traditionally,
Vietnamese males and females are not allowed to date. They
simply grew up in their family until age 18 to 20 (or
sometimes earlier), marry according to their parents'
arrangements, and establish their families from there. Dating
is believed to undermine traditions, encouraging sons and
daughters to defy their parents' wishes and thus bringing
shame to their family. Youths who have affections for
one another may carry their relationship in secrecy, but
eventually, and dutifully, yield to their parents' wills.
This may mean marrying a complete
stranger or someone they don't like. But as pleasing
their parents is a social priority, doing otherwise would be a
major sin and dishonor.
Today,
parents in Vietnam are more opened-minded, and allow their
sons and daughters to date and get to know each other before
getting married. However, traditions still have a strong
clasp. Public displays of affection by couples, including
holding hands, touching, kissing, are still considered
impolite and must be done privately.
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Females
in Vietnam are more withdrawn and shy and usually do not make
the first move in starting a relationship. If a young man
finds someone he likes, he must formally introduce himself to
her family and seek their approval before he can date her.
This usually requires him to meet with her parents and family
members in their house several times. After several regular
visits, when he has gotten to know her family, he may finally
ask her parents for permission to date her.
When
going out to dinner, movies, and other social events,
the
man
usually pays all the expenses, in addition to buying gifts
and
flowers. His date do not. By accepting his gifts and
flowers, she is officially accepting his love. But however
deep her love, she is expected to remain a virgin until they
are married.
The
decision to engage and marry is still a family event in
Vietnam. When couples decide to marry, they first ask
for their parents' permission. By custom, the young man's
parents would visit the woman's parents with gifts (usually
fruits or wine), and together would discuss the date, time,
and all other necessary arrangements.
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